Thursday, July 29, 2010

Where's the Excitement?

It's been a while. I've been busy, in a sense. Just trying to do more things to keep my mind busy. Been reading more and I've drawn a couple more pictures. Also got me a bag to hold my sketch book, pencils, and my poem book. I wanted to make this bag my own and add my personality to it. Adding pins, buttons, and stones to start. Having trouble thinking of what else I can do to it, but I'm sure it will come to me.

Been trying to spend more time with Tanner. We hadn't been as close as we used to be. Think we just got too busy with everything else. Work, church, kids....etc. I know we shouldn't neglect those things.

I just don't find myself as excited about church as I used to be. I want to "want" to be there. I don't want it to feel like an obligation and that's exactly what it was starting to feel like. I wasn't in a very spiritual place and I wasn't enjoying it. I don't believe worshiping God should feel like a chore. We should relish in giving glory to God. We should smile and be happy. I felt more like a droid, on autopilot. Walk in, sit, stand, sing, pray, sit, walk to Sunday school, sit, walk back out, sit, stand, sing, pray, sit, stand, sing, pray, sit, stand, read, sit, stand, sing, pray, walk out. See....I can remember the exact order of things.... That's truly sad. >.<

I don't want to say that it's boring, because that's not even the issue. I just think it's me personally that's the issue. Because none of that routine I just mentioned has really ever changed. It's me that's changed. I just need to figure out how to fit my changing self into the equation and I'm not seeing it yet. I so want to be excited about going to Ladies' Prayer Group meetings, watching babies in Sunday school, singing, reading His word, praising Him, etc....

So please pray that I find my way back to the excitement everyone else is having there.