Thursday, May 6, 2010

At A Stand Still

Okay....Feeling a bit frustrated. I am lacking inspiration to do much of anything at the moment. I really want to draw and write more poetry, but the pictures and words just aren't there. I need something. I just don't know what it is that I am lacking. I actually woke up really happy this morning, despite my feeling really tired. You would think that mood would bring forth something, but it didn't.

I've been back and forth through several different emotions over the past few weeks and ready for it to be over. I don't know what it is that is bothering me exactly.

I will be getting away for a few days next week and I am hoping that I will come back refreshed and renewed and have the drive to produce something. You would think that just being completely in-love with the sweetest, most caring man that makes me feel like I am the only woman in the world would somehow give me inspiration, but it hasn't.

I just feel like I am at a stand still in everything and waiting for someone else to make the next move. But I know it's not that easy. I have to do some things for myself.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Annoyed and Frustrated

I'm having a really bad day. I wish I could go back to how I felt yesterday. Yeah, it's hard for anyone to be continually happy all the time, but feeling the way I do now is not something everyone feels quite as constantly as I do.

I'm tired of feeling let down. Someone says they will be somewhere or do something and they rarely follow through. Yes, I can understand that distance is an issue, so you can't be right here with me and yes, I know things come up. But seriously....All the time.

And you say you aren't involved at a certain place anymore....Yet I still see you doing things there. What would be the big deal if you had me there too? I feel like you are hiding something from me. Or maybe it's that you are hiding me from someone else. I could be wrong, but that's just the way it seems. I hope it's nothing. Hope I am just being stupid and worried like I usually am.

I have a horrible time trusting people and I've put my trust in you, but lately things don't seem right. I don't know what to think or feel anymore. Here I am ready to break free and you aren't there to catch me it seems. I can't trust someone who may not be there to catch me when I fall.

Please reassure me.....